So I woke up again in a lovely state of delirium this morning, and though I don't remember much, I do recall sitting up suddenly, panicking, chugging the glass of water that was by my bed and then going back to sleep.
I think I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
Last nights attempt at sleep was one of the most fucked up experiences I've ever had. Fever induced delirium while trying to rest is absolutely frightening, so when I get home from work I'm going straight to bed.
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
I'm tired and cranky. On the plus side, the back of my legs
aren't tingling any more. I wrote a thing about the writers block
but I've been too lazy to type it up, what with working 12 out of 14
days and all. I'll get it up soon.
Apparently Nikki has decided to cease all contact with me. This doesn't upset me.
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
However, they are expensive and will keep you up all night.
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
I’d like to smack some of the service clerks even more than normal.
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
Alert Status Red
Empty Road
In a World Called Catastrophe
Hopeless
Sort of a Protest Song
Can’t Get Shot in the Back if you don’t Run
So Long Mrs. Smith
Breath of a Nation
Avalanche
Generation X-Wing
Tripoli
Load Me Up
Apparitions
Encore
The Fine Art of Falling Apart
Strange Days
Fated
Prime Time Deliverance
Symbolistic White Walls
Indestructible
It’s Been A While Since I Was Your Man
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
Lunch type mall thing with the lovely Inna, then the Matt Good show that evening.
I cannot wait
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
We sit on your basement floor, my arm around you shoulders, yours across the small of my back, the others reaching across our bodies until our fingers meet yet again. The lamp is still behind us, still shooting our sillhouette against the wall. We look at our shadows, our bodies seeming to merge into one, the brightest dark spot on any wall in the world, another star to add to a sky of shining moments. I turn my head towards yours and gently kiss your cheek, your soft skin against my lips.
“It’s just you and I tonight.”
You slip from my arms and fall into my lap, hair and clothes still wet, mouth still curled at the corners as you look up and smile. I place a hand on your stomach while the fingers of the other play with your hair. I look down at you and in that single instant, that one flash of time, sitting there, both of us still wet from the rain, I know what true beauty is. My heart jumps and my mind flutters as I feel your hands on the side of my face.
“It’s just you and I tonight,” you say as you grab my collar and pull me down to kiss you.
Time seems to stop.
Right now, we are the only people on the planet.
Right now, I could die and feel I’ve lived a full life.
Right now, for what seems like the millionth time tonight, I am aware of the fact that I am very much alive.
After the kiss you stand up and take my hands. I push up as you pull me up, clumsily falling into you. Immediately, instinctively, my arms go around your waist and I feel yours around mine as we both start to laugh.
“Go get a blanket or two from my room,” you say as you kiss my cheek, “we’re gunna go for a little adventure.”
I grab the blankets and we both slip into our jackets as we make our way to the garage. I toss the blankets into the back and hop in the passenger door. You sit in the drivers seat and start the car. We pull out of the garage and you reach over and grab my hand.
“Where are we going?”
Stopped at the red light, you look over at me and grin, a grin that I know means “I’m not gunna tell you, but you’ll find out soon enough.” We continue on in silence, peaceful, not awkward, until you stop the car on a drit road at the outskirts of town. You kill the engine and step out into the damp and cool night, the air still smelling of rain.
“Lay a blanket on the hood.”
I do as you say, and you pull me up onto the car before we both lay back. I throw the other blanket over us. Our fingers interlock again, our hands never happy to be seperated. We lay there, eyes gazing up to space, looking at stars which have the fortune of not being bleached out by the city. Every once in a while, we hear the yawn of airplanes in the distance and we are bathed from behind in the glow of the landing lights.
“This is my favorite place in the world,” you say.
You tell me how every week you come out to this spot at the same time. You tell me how every week you’d come out here, alone, and lay on the hood of your car and stare at the sky. You tell me how every week from this night forward, you want me to join you under the stars.
“So what’s so special about this place?”
“I had a dream about a year ago- I saw this place in my head, just like it is. I saw myself on this car, just like I am now. I saw the constellations and felt the wind. When I woke up, I thought that was the dream. I actually pinched myself. About a week later I was restless one night, couldn’t sleep. It just hit me that I had to find this place, so I got in the car and drove, found it. I got on the hood, like we are now, waited, lying there, just breathing, not thinking. Gazing up. Then I heard it, saw it, so close to me, but I knew I was safe. It was thrilling, but I knew I’d be okay.”
“What was it?”
“You’re going to find out.”
We look at each other, both of us smirking before we look back to the night sky. Minutes pass and we just lay there, silently, hand in hand, inseperable. Yet another moment that is ours alone.
“Any minute now,” you whisper.
We hear the dull roar of the engines off in the distance, see the flickering of the safety lights on its wings as they quickly make their way towards us. Before I realize what’s happening, the landing lights shoot to life behind us, illuminating the belly of the plane coming down to land. I want to close my eyes, but I can’t. I want to reach up and try to touch the plane, but I can’t. The wall of sound coming from the engines fills my head, freezes me to the hood of your car and I scream, the loudest scream to never pass my lips. I squueze your hand, fearing the plane is going to come down on us, think that, as the planes engines tear the blanket off our bodies, this moment could be our last, but in a split second it’s over. I heave a sigh of relief, a sigh of triumph, like I’d just survived a catastrophe.
“I told you you’d like it,” you say to me.
Laying there, eyes to the sky, my hand in ours, a calm passes between us, a calm I dare not interrupt with something as silly as words.
You stand up and get on to the roof of your car, beckoning me to follow. Before I can get my footing, your arms shoot around my neck, hands clasped behind me, pulling me into you and nearly toppling us to the ground below. In your arms I find my grip, and I wrap my arms around your, pulling you in close, pulling you into a position we’ve spent many minutes in this past night, knowing that we’ll spend many more standing just like this.
Almost as if on a cue, land lights off in the distance flash on, their dim glow giving enough power for us to see deep into each others eyes before we kiss.
A kiss full of heart.
A kiss full of beauty and passion.
A kiss full of hope and power.
A kiss full of love.
It is in that moment, standing on the hood of your car, damp and cold in your arms but warmed by your touch, that I realize I love you. A wave of what I think is life washes over me and I know that it won’t leave. Ever.
After a time- seconds, minutes, hours- neither of us know, we manage to pull our lips from each other. Looking into your green eyes, feeling them pierce through mine, I start to open my mouth, but you cut me off.
“I know, and I love you too.”
“How did you kn-”
“I just did.”
We both grin again, ear to ear, and then we rub noses under the stars as the ycast their gaze over us.
Sensing my thoughts, you pinch me.
“This isn’t a dream, believe me.”
“You read my mind.”
Standing there with my arms around you, our bodies close, I can’t help but believe this isn’t real, but I know it is. Standing there on the roof of your car, I feel something that I’ve wanted to feel for as long as I can remember.
Standing there with you, I know we’re both thinking the same thing.
“I can’t believe it’s only been two days.”
Posted in Green and Blue
So I got to title things like I wanted to have them titled and I have a sweet RSS feed from my del.icio.us account on the sidebar. Apparently they are working on a flickr badge widget, and that makes me really excited.
Posted in Blogging
You live in the arctic wastes of Norway, and your diet consists mostly of TV dinners, cows and lattés.
You can eat rocks. You can throw poison. You can breathe jet fuel. You can breathe maple syrup. You can breathe bricks. You can breathe lava. You can spit tahini. You can breathe Mr. PiBB. You have night vision. You can resist sand.
Your natural enemy is Moorino.
Get your name here.
Posted in Oh, fuck my life
Look Lively, Little Ones 